One day while investigating Sestus 3
An alien superpower kidnapped me
And put me face to face with a dangerous enemy

How the hell did I get myself into this mess?
They say we have to fight to the death
So I defend my life with every breath

If bones were in my shoes he’d know what to do
He’d probably hit him with a hypospray or two
And then tell him jokes until he was subdued

Mr Spock could take him out with one nerve pinch
Or mindmeld him into thinking that he’s our friend
Either way with Vulcan logic you know that it would be a cinch

Well I put both hands together and swing like I’m holding a bat
Then I duck when he swings at me and karate chop him in the back
I don’t know how I’ll win, but I’ll tell you what I’ll do
For the greater good of the Federation and in the name of the Enterprise crew
I’m gonna kick his ass
Kick his ass

If only Mr. Sulu were standing here
He’d samurai slice him without any fear
And where is Charlie Evans when you need someone to disappear?

With a sultry look Uhura would lure him in
To a place where he has no room to defend
Then he’d get a beat-down by Nurse Chapel and Janice Rand

Well I pick up a rock and I throw it at his chest
It bounces off like Styrofoam
He throws a boulder at my head
I’ll figure out how to win
That’s all I know how to do
For the greater good of the Federation
And in the name of the Enterprise crew
I’m gonna kick his ass
Kick his ass

Scotty would challenge him to a duel
Where scotch and brandy were fighting tools
Or maybe he’d just beam him inside of some solid rock

Well I put my mind to it and I figured the weapon out
And just in the nick of time I became the victor in the bout
You knew that I would win because I always do
I’m James Tiberious Kirk, captain of the Enterprise crew
And I kicked his ass
Kicked his ass

 

 

Instrumentation:

Mike: Lead Vocal, Backing Vocals and Guitar
Chris: Backing Vocals and Guitar
PJ: Backing Vocals and Lead Guitar
Noah: Backing Vocals and Bass
Andy: Backing Vocals, Drums and Cowbell

Additional musicians:

Daniel Cushing:  Backing Vocals